i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
