the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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