drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
