Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
