Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
