Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
