so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
