I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
