i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
