I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
