I look better un-naked...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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