on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
