she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.