Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me