Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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