Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
