Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize