Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
