too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
