I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
