No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
