normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
