he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
