just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
