Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
