I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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