she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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