i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
