We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
