i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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