I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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