Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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