I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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