I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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