I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Operation Purity has been aborted
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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