I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
