chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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