wanna go halves on a baby?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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