hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
