Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
