I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
