i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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