I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
