We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
