I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
