I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
