just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
