I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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