So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
