i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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