Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
