Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
