I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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