okay pat passed out under dana's car
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
