She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
