I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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