I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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