i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
