He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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