At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
