Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
