Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
