I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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