My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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