she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
