remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
