the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
