What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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